Redefining My Worth: Harsh truth about External Validation


For a long time, I let the whispers of society and more specifically the voices of those closest to me state my value as a women. I grew up under the impression that my worth as a woman was measured by the "demand" for me. 

Yes you read it right, I was lead to believe my worth was about how many men asked for my hand, how many were "checking in" or how many stopped me on the street to speak.

And I found that a lot of women share maybe a bit of the same thinking, and it is very wrong.

I’ve been through my fair share of "talking stages", maybe way more than I should, where I was asked, "Do men stop you in the street to talk to you?" which only backed up the idea of high demand in my mind, but to be honest till this day never understood the meaning behind that question anyways. 

When I gave my honest answer which is a no, I was met with disbelief, distaste, or even a faint hint of pity. For a moment, I let that get to me. I started walking in circles in the middle of my dark place of self-doubt: Am I not enough? Am I unapproachable? Am I not beautiful? 

I became hungry for the very validation I knew was shallow and meaneless, chasing compliments just to prove to myself that I wasn't "failing" at being a woman.

Even now, I still feel the sting when family members look at me and say, "But she’s so beautiful," with that underlying tone of pity as if beauty is a waste if it isn't currently being "claimed" by someone else.

Very tired of trying to fit into a mold that society carved out of outdated expectations for me to fill in, my worth is not a stage to be claimed by an actor for a play; to be preformed on the open for the sake to please the audience society. It is not a counter of how many people notice me in passing. My true value lies in:

  • The respect I have for myself.

I am still unlearning the triggers, and I am still healing from the "pitying" looks, but I am standing firm. I don't need to be "in demand" to be significant. I am a whole person, not a prize waiting to be won. 

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